A House Divided
2004 Boaz Rauchwerger
The men were all involved in a meeting dealing, undoubtedly, with important matters. Various members of the group were reporting to the leader.
Suddenly, the door sprang open and the wife of the leader came barging in. She proceeded to berate the leader in a loud and angry tone of voice. She was very upset that her husband had not gone to the store the evening before to buy some milk.
Everyone, except the leader, sat there in shock and disbelief. The leader sat patiently and let his wife conclude her tirade. When she left the room, one man asked the leader, "Why, sir, did you let her do that to you in front of all of us?" In his wise and thoughtful way, the leader responded by saying, "Because it makes her feel better."
This incident is a glaring example of one side of the troubled personality of Mary Todd Lincoln, the wife of the 16th President of the United States, Abraham Lincoln. The incident took place in the White House at a meeting of the Cabinet.
Mary Lincoln suffered from depression, a violent temper and other maladies, which greatly challenged her husband.
We all have to be careful not to judge people too quickly or with limited information. In reality, Mary Lincoln's life was shaped by tragedies in her family and those of the Civil War.
She was born into a prominent Lexington, Kentucky family in 1818. Relatives of both her mother and father were American patriots. When she was twenty, Mary moved to Illinois, where her sister Elizabeth was living.
Elizabeth was engaged at the time to a future Illinois Governor. It was at a reception that she introduced Mary to a young attorney who would become her future husband, Abraham Lincoln. They were married in 1842 and would eventually have four children, all boys.
In order to shed some light on Mary Todd Lincoln's troubled personality, we have to consider the fact that three of her four children died before reaching adulthood. She was also plagued with nightmares and had distorted ideas of her finances. After President Lincoln's assassination in April of 1865, the third of her four sons died six years later.
She continued to sink into mental illness. In 1875, her only remaining son, Robert, had his debt-plagued mother committed to a mental institution. Although she was adjudged insane at the time, that decision was reversed a year later.
Keeping an open mind, let's take a look at the other side of Mary Todd Lincoln's personality. This intelligent, highly emotional woman was also an active, highly political wife to President Lincoln. Despite her difficulties, she understood the importance of image and social events in the making of the presidency.
During the Civil War, she routinely visited hospitals to comfort wounded Union soldiers. She witnessed all types of horrific injuries and she watched soldiers die as she spent hours on end with the injured men. The wife of the President brought flowers from the White House to these hospitals and wrote letters home for the soldiers. When the press wanted to recognize Mary Lincoln for all these efforts, she insisted on keeping it quiet.
The way that Mrs. Lincoln was able to comfort the wounded and dying soldiers is really quite amazing. In those circumstances, she was calm, patient and caring. Yet, at the White House, she could become hysterical at an unexpected noise.
Another example of the caring side of Mary Lincoln is what she did for the former slaves who were freed by President Lincoln's Emancipation Proclamation in 1862. Most of them were homeless and they had many needs. Mary Lincoln raised money and found ways to get them supplies and bedclothing.
The caring side of Mrs. Lincoln is beautifully depicted in the PBS Television series: "The American Experience - A House Divided." In essence, Mary Todd Lincoln was a misunderstood and childlike figure. She believed that she was being shadowed by a cruel fate. After her son Willie died, she held a seance in the White House.
The next time you and I jump to a conclusion about someone, let's ask ourselves the question: "Is there more here than meets the eye?" There certainly was when it came to Mary Todd Lincoln. From now on, now that my knowledge about her has been expanded, I'll choose to recall all of the good that she did. That's where President Lincoln focused his thoughts when it came to his wife.
A basic tenet of happiness is this: Let's look for the good and, as much as possible, disregard the bad.
An Open Minded Affirmation
When it comes to people, I will open my mind to the entire picture.
Article reproduced with permission from Boaz Rauchwerger. You may reprint any of these articles in any publication or Web site so long as you credit Boaz Rauchwerger as the author and include this Web site address, www.Boazpower.com.