The Clouds Have Soft Edges
2002 Boaz Rauchwerger
Welcome aboard. We're at 35,000 feet. I'm flying to the Midwest for a client company. As I look outside the airplane window, we're now passing over Moline, Illinois, on our way to Chicago.
The clouds below us are beautiful; not a care in the world. White. Fluffy. Floating gently by. If we disrupt one of them by flying through it, no harm seems to be done.
Did you ever notice that clouds have no sharp edges? That's part of their beauty. They're full of soft edges.
I've read Dale Carnegie's book, " How to Win Friends and Influence People," 60 times. In that exhaustive study of this incredible book on human relations, I learned a lot about the soft edges. In the fine art of dealing with others, most people instantly go for the sharp edges – criticizing, condemning, complaining, using harsh words, tearing down the self-image of people who should be important in their lives.
I was in the parking lot of a shopping center not long ago. As I walked past a van, a man and a woman were walking away from it. A young lady, I'd guess about 12 years of age, was slowly getting out of the vehicle. The mother screamed at her, "Get yourself out here. You are the worst. You are so slow, you always make us late!"
These days, crimes are committed every day that land people in prison. When one person assaults another, they pay for that crime. What about the crime that that lady committed with the sharp edges of her words? What about the self-image of a child that she was tearing down?
That child was growing up with the following notions: "I'm no good. I'm slow. I get screamed at because I cause problems." Is it any wonder that many such children grow up to be abusive parents?
"But, wait a minute, Boaz," you're saying… "That's an extreme example of using words with sharp edges." Is it?
What about subtle negative comments people make to co-workers and loved ones? When people order each other around – "Do this. Get that!" Those are sharp edges. When a supervisor says, "This report looks good, but you never get these done on time," that's a sharp edge. When a parent says to a child, "You got three A's on this report card. But, what about this C?" that's a sharp edge.
Instead, Dale Carnegie's book taught me that you get much more in life, in a much more pleasant way, by gravitating to the soft edges. That means asking questions rather than giving orders. Here are some examples: "Could you please help me with this? This report looks good and I know that next time you'll get it done on time. You got three A's and I know you'll improve on that C."
Carnegie said to look for the good and, as much as possible, disregard the bad. Encourage the positive actions of other people. In the realm of the soft edges in life, use words that will add grease to the wheel and that will make the wagon roll more smoothly.
Soft-Edge Affirmation
I get help and cooperation by asking questions. I look for the good and praise where possible.
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