The Bridge in La Jolla
2002 Boaz Rauchwerger
There is a very interesting walking bridge in La Jolla, California. It spans a street that winds down a hill where the Scripps Institute of Oceanography is located.
This bridge, completed in recent years, is quite unique. It is suspended from one tall steel column on one side of the street. From the top of that column there are numerous steel cables that are connected to various points on the span. The bridge looks like a series of triangles. This bridge exemplifies a very interesting way of bringing two sides together.
There is a parallel between this bridge and human relations. If you'll think about it, everything you want out of life is dependent on the cooperation of other people. Thus, an above-average ability to deal with people is a big advantage. Success in dealing with people is simply a matter of building bridges. Finding points of commonality.
By watching the incredible human relations techniques of my mother, I was amazed with the bridges she built. It was fascinating to watch how easily she got other people to cooperate with her. I simply followed her lead.
In my work as a high performance coach to CEOs and corporations, I am constantly in front of many different groups and audiences. How is it that I am always able to build bridges, win people over and get many of them to take actions that quickly and radically improve their lives? Could that kind of ability make your work or your life easier and more productive?
This is not rocket science. Here's how I do it. First, I am genuinely interested in other people. Everyone has a story. I find those stories to be fascinating and I often learn something new.
Second, after giving a little background on myself, I ask each person (let's say I'm speaking before a small group – the same applies when you're speaking to one person) "Where are you from originally?" That was my mother's opening question, time after time after time. It's a great, non-threatening question. People love talking about their roots.
My next question is: (if they are not from here) "What brought you here?" Question three is: "Do you have a family?" The fourth question is "What do you do?"
I cannot tell you how many times, by the time I get the answer to the fourth question, that I have discovered a bridge we have in common. Perhaps it's the part of the country the person is from, the age of their children or what that person does.
Such points of commonality bridge the gap between us and make us more alike than different. People like dealing with others who are like them. Finding those bridges is not only very productive and profitable, it's also a lot of fun. I don't ask these questions because I'm a nosy person. I am simply genuinely interested in other people and their stories.
I was once escorted into the office of a very successful multi-millionaire. The person introducing me had told me ahead of time that this man was very busy and would only spend a few minutes with me.
In the order given, I asked the four bridge-building questions I just gave you. At the end of an hour, where he did most of the talking, this man apologized for having to end the meeting. He exclaimed how much he enjoyed our meeting and offered his assistance for whatever I needed. He said he enjoyed speaking with me. Keep in mind, he did most of the talking.
I get cooperation wherever I go. I get great responses from people in all walks of life. I create instant bonds with people. I get doors opened where others don't even dare to knock.
Don't get the idea that I'm a genius in human relations. You can do exactly the same thing. Let me repeat the key: I am intensely interested in other people. I ask my four questions, listen closely and identify bridges of commonality. I have a feeling that, within you, there is also a great bridge builder.
A Bridging Affirmation
I am intensely interested in other people. I ask them questions that they enjoy answering. I am a great bridge builder with people.
Article reproduced with permission from Boaz Rauchwerger. You may reprint any of these articles in any publication or Web site so long as you credit Boaz Rauchwerger as the author and include this Web site address, www.Boazpower.com.