Become a Good Witness
2002 Boaz Rauchwerger
Let's pretend I'm your attorney and we're going to court. We're involved in an important case. I need for you to testify in a specific manner, giving only certain details. We know we're in the right. However, I've noticed that you sometimes have a tendency to give more information than is needed. And that, in a court of law, can lead to trouble.
So, the only way we can hedge our bets in this case is to make sure you come across as a GOOD WITNESS. A good witness will consistently answer the same questions the same way. It doesn't matter whether it's the defense attorney or the prosecution asking the questions. A good witness sticks to the facts and does not allow a badgering attorney to divert attention.
Although I'm not an attorney, I have taught a number of people in recent months to become GOOD WITNESSES and that ability literally changed their lives.
May I introduce Mary (not her real name)? Mary is 35 years old, has a nice husband and a young daughter. She was raised in a household where her mother was very controlling. When mother said, "Jump," Mary would ask "how high?"
As Mary became an adult, the relationship with her mother didn't change. Her mother would call at the last minute and insist that Mary and her family come to dinner that night. When Mary protested that she and her husband had other plans, her mother would throw a fit. She would do a great job of making Mary feel guilty. Most of the time, Mary would give in, change her family's plans, and they would go to dinner at her Mom's house.
Every time that happened, which was often, Mary would get very upset with herself and the negative emotions would churn within her. This pattern obviously did not enhance her relationship with her husband and it certainly wasn't setting a good example for her young child.
When Mary finally called me for advice, she was at her wits end. This had been going on for many years and she was concerned that the abusive pattern would continue forever. She thought that, if she refused her mother's requests, she was responsible for the bad feelings that would result between them.
The first thing we did was discuss the fact that her mother's tendency to want to control her was probably not limited just to her. Those who need to control others are usually spreading that poisonous venom evenly throughout the landscape.
I've personally experienced people like that. It took me a while to realize that they are card-carrying members of the Wrecking Crew. They are definitely not part of the Building Crew.
In Mary's case, she wanted to find a way to deal with her mother at a more mature level. The option of never talking to her again, although a pleasant thought at times, was not a step Mary wanted to take at this time.
So, I taught Mary how to be a Good Witness. Remember that a good witnesswill respond the same way over and over and over. Even if badgered by the opposing attorney, a good witness will continue to stick to one story, over and over.
I gave Mary the following Good Witness lines: "Mom, we'd love to come, but we can't. We have other plans." I told Mary to use those lines the next time her mother calls at the last minute about coming over. I strongly urged her to simply repeat the lines when her mother protested. So, when Mother would say, "What do you mean? We're expecting you tomorrow evening," Mary's lines would be: "As I said, Mom, we'd love to come, but we can't. We have other plans."
Mary was instructed to calmly repeat the Good Witness lines the same way several times. How can you argue with someone who isn't willing to argue? I reiterated to Mary that, as an adult, she did not owe her mother an explanation for her actions. The more she would try to defend herself, the deeper a hole she was digging. The new pattern: Be a Good Witness and stick to your lines.
That weekend, sure enough, Mary once again faced the all-too-familiar situation with her mother. She gulped and became a Good Witness. She stuck to her lines. She repeated her lines. Mother got off the phone upset. Within a few hours she got over it. Mary saw her mother a few days later and everything was fine. She had taken a major step in her life. She called and told me how empowered she felt and that she would continue being a Good Witness.
If this situation is familiar to you, why not become a Good Witness? I have a feeling that you, too, can finally win your case.
A Good Witness Daily Affirmation
I am standing up for myself by being a good witness.
Article reproduced with permission from Boaz Rauchwerger. You may reprint any of these articles in any publication or Web site so long as you credit Boaz Rauchwerger as the author and include this Web site address, www.Boazpower.com.