Let's Argue About This -- Or Should We?
2002 Boaz Rauchwerger
The only thing an argument proves is that two people are present. And yet so many people are dead set on the notion that they must prove their point to someone else.
The first inclination for many, when a disagreement arises, is to dig their heels into the sand and get ready to verbally fight. When you do that, the other person is doing the same thing. Now we have two people who are each going to do everything they can to have their viewpoint victorious.
The bottom line about arguing is that, if you win, you lose. And, if you lose, you lose. If you believe that you got your point across by arguing, the other person may have given in just to stop the battle. Chances are that you didn't really change that person's mind. They'll probably go back to doing whatever it was that instigated the argument. If you lose an argument, you leave the battle with hard feelings and resentment.
In a business situation, would you rather be right or would you rather see the mission of the business or company progress ahead? In a relationship, would you rather be right or would you rather gravitate toward love?
Dale Carnegie, in his book How To Win Friends and Influence People teaches the use of soft words to ease the journey in life. He relates that keeping an open mind, when someone expresses an opinion different than yours, can lead to quicker solutions. Keeping an open mind can also lead to new ideas or ones we had never considered. Keeping an open mind can also teach us new ideas or processes that we did not know.
The next time you face an argumentative situation, stop and think. Ask yourself, "What is most important here?" Do you want to prove you are right and make the other person feel they are wrong? As a result, they will feel badly about themselves because you have damaged their precious pride. And, in the future, your chances of getting their cooperation or assistance have been greatly diminished.
Instead, why not stop and think for a moment. If emotions get heated, stop and tell the other person that you need to cool off. Go in another room and think about the goodwill that is about to be lost by an argument.
If emotions have not reached a boiling point, but do have the potential, why not use some of Dale Carnegie's words: "I've been known to be wrong. I certainly could be this time. Please tell me more about your viewpoint." Then, just listen. That approach can turn a hostile person into a much more agreeable friend, associate or loved one.
Next time you want to argue with anyone, STOP. What you could potentially lose is much more expensive than what you could potential gain.
And I don't want any arguments on this point!!
Keeping In Touch Through The List of 100
Whether its important family members, business associates or customers, it's important to keep in regular touch with people. With today's technology, it's easier than ever.
In order to build a big business, or a large clientele, you may want to consider a concept I teach in seminars called The List of 100. The goal is to keep in touch, on a monthly basis, with 100 people who are centers of influence. Obviously, when it comes to relatives, the number will usually be smaller.
We'll focus here on the concept for business. Begin by writing down a list of the people you know who seem to influence other people. Examples are: your doctor, your attorney, a teacher, etc. People who, when you call, recognize your name and greet you warmly. Your list may begin with a handful of names and grow. The goal is 100.
Start a notebook and devote a page to each person. Get in touch with each person once a month. This can be by telephone, a letter, an E-mail, a personal visit or a postcard. When you speak in person, show genuine interest in that person. Ask about their family, their goals, their dreams. Make notes of these details in your notebook so you can refer back to them the next time you talk. Keep in mind that the more interested you are in other people, the more interested they will be in you. Look for ways to be of service to these people.
As you keep in touch on a regular basis, and keep increasing your numbers toward 100, you will be keeping your name in front of these spheres of influence. The scope of business that can be developed through this process is incredible!
A Daily Affirmation to Avoid Arguments
When disagreements arise, I will keep an open mind and listen.
Article reproduced with permission from Boaz Rauchwerger. You may reprint any of these articles in any publication or Web site so long as you credit Boaz Rauchwerger as the author and include this Web site address, www.Boazpower.com.